Lynn has been happily married for almost 45 years. The following suggestions are Lynn’s aid in working on a healthy marriage.

  1. Do Not Go To Bed Angry. Work out the argument before you go to sleep. The longer you do not resolve the problem, the problem becomes worse and the anger festers.
  2. Make Time Each Day To Share With Your Spouse. It is easy to become absorbed in your children’s worlds and/or in your work. Today’s lifestyles do not leave much time for most husbands and wives to talk. If you do not find time each day to share something from your day with your spouse, when your children are grown, you will have nothing in common except, perhaps, your children.
  3. Everyone needs to feel needed, loved and appreciated which is done when you share your day with our spouse. Remember: If you do not take time to listen to your spouse, someone else will.
  4. Say “Please” and “Thank You” To Your Spouse. Courtesy is not just for strangers and other people. It is important to treat your spouse with respect, especially if you want to be treated with respect in return.
  5. Compliment or Say Something Nice To Your Spouse Each Day to Show Your Spouse You Appreciate Him or Her. Everyone needs to feel appreciated.
  6. Kiss, Hug, Caress Or Touch Your Spouse Each Day. Everyone needs warm human contact to make him/her feel wanted, needed and special.
  7. Once The Argument Is Over Do Not Drag Out The Same Argument Again The Next Time You Disagree. Move on to other arguments. Do not sound like a broken record.
  8. Be Very Careful What You Say In The Heat Of An Argument. The angry words may feel good by scoring a point to hurt your spouse. Hurtful words are your worst enemy and have caused the demise of many marriages. Think before you blast out nasty and hurtful comments. REMEMBER: Once the words are out of your mouth, you can never put them back.
  9. Keep Your Sense Of Humor. Be able to laugh and poke fun at yourself something that you have done or at something that has happened to you. Laughing Helps Put Life In Perspective.
  10. Do Not Expect Someone Else To Make You Happy. You Are The Only One Who Can Make Yourself Happy. Many People have come into my office and have said that his/her spouse does not make him/her happy. In reality each person is responsible for his/her own happiness. Blaming your spouse for your unhappiness is a cover for not being able to handle your own problems.
  11. Marriage Is Hard Work And Is Not For The Faint Of Heart. If marriage were easy, there would not be so many divorces. Too many people would rather throw away a marriage and start all over again rather than do the hard work necessary to work out the problems. I have had clients who did not solve the problems from the first Marriage and made the same mistakes in their second and third marriages. REMEMBER: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, repeating the same mistakes, and then expecting a different result.
  12. The Grass Is Not Always Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence. I have had many clients who, after the nasty and costly divorce, realize that their new life is not better but, in reality, is worse than the life they thought they could not stand. REMEMBER: The new girlfriend or boyfriend wakes up with bad breath also.
  13. Do Not Expect To Be Able To Change Your Spouse. The only person you can change is YOURSELF!

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